Insight4Change

Many times couples decide to attend  counseling when one (or both) are at their “wit’s end” in the relationship and much emotional damage has already taken place over a period of time. At this point, one of the partners (or both) may have made up their mind to move on.  Sometimes, a person will attend counseling only to appease their partner’s wishes, but have been so worn down by conflicts, they are not really committed to saving the relationship any longer. 

Recognizing that your relationship needs some improving-BEFORE resentments build to the point of no return- is crucial for a  satisfying union. Oftentimes, in our busy lives, we don’t pay enough attention to how we relate to those we love the most and communication is lost- or worse, it becomes hurtful.

  Here are some question and answers to keep in mind if you are looking to Recharge your Relationship…

1)  Does your partner often seem unreasonable?  Think Empathy: try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  Try to see the world through his or her eyes.  Acknowledging how your partner is feeling doesn’t mean you have to agree with it!

2) Have you been overly critical with your partner lately?  Stop and Speak Consciously:  Find something positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle!  You will convey  an attitude of respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person. 

3) Are you feeling angry or resentful with your partner?  Express Feelings Assertively:  Use “I feel” statements (such as “I feel upset”) rather than “you” statements (such as “you’re making me furious”).  This will allow YOUR feelings to be heard and reduce your partner’s need to react defensively or aggressively.

If you can relate to any of the above questions, try out some of these small changes in your way of thinking and communication style.  It just may help you Restore some Relationship Bliss!

Holidays can be a time of intense feelings.  They are often marked by periods of great excitement, moderated with high and low periods of activity.  Sometimes it is expecting too much from ourselves (and others) that leave us with an overwhelmed, or anxious feeling.  Amidst this mix of emotion, we can be struck by the blahs, and bah humbugs, or a general lack of get-up-and-go.  This is called the holiday blues.

It is easy to resort to drinking too much alcohol, using pain or sleeping pills when not really needed, or overindulging in sweets and mindless eating to numb the uncomfortable feelings.  These temporary “quick fixes” often lead to more troubles down the road.  Remember, you have other choices that you can make for yourself.  I have listed a few reminders for you below…

1)  Keep a realistic attitude by staying in the present.  Don’t spend too much time dwelling on those past experiences and traditions that keep whispering, “This would be better if only…” 

2)  Avoid major life changes during the holidays.  It is probably not a good time to move, change jobs, or begin/end intimate relationships if not absolutely necessary.  Why create more stress in your life at such a vulnerable time of year?  Ask yourself, “Is there a better time for me to make this change?”

3)  Count your blessings.  Writing a daily gratitude log is a great way to keep yourself focused on the positive (blessings) in your life.  Begin or end your day by listing 5 reasons/people/things to be grateful for today.  Keep this list handy and take a peek at it whenever the blues begin to fall upon you.

4) Keep your sense of humor.  A good laugh, even at the silliest things, is a great way relieve tension, anxiety and help you forget what you were feeling so sad about.  There are many light-hearted holiday movies out there during the season.  Check a few out!!

You know how it starts.  Disappointments or excitement, worry or contentment, frustration or encouragement: emotions drive you to eat.  You begin to stuff yourself with anything you can get your hands on- sweets, high-calorie and high-fat foods.  You know better, of course, but now you’re feeling out-of-control, or if you are like some food addicts, you may find a way to purge your system. 

If food is your obsession and taking top priority in your life, you may be suffering from a complex illness that requires professional help.  Below are some small goals for breaking the cycle of food addiction…

1)  Eat your meals more consciously by sitting down with no other distractions such as television or computer technologies to distract you from tasting your food. 

2) Reward yourself with a task or activity that you enjoy AFTER you have eaten a healthy meal.

3) Write a list of alternate activities to do instead of bingeing/purging in advance.  Then commit to trying 2 items on the list BEFORE giving into the urge.