Relationship Recharge!
Many times couples decide to attend counseling when one (or both) are at their “wit’s end” in the relationship and much emotional damage has already taken place over a period of time. At this point, one of the partners (or both) may have made up their mind to move on. Sometimes, a person will attend counseling only to appease their partner’s wishes, but have been so worn down by conflicts, they are not really committed to saving the relationship any longer.
Recognizing that your relationship needs some improving-BEFORE resentments build to the point of no return- is crucial for a satisfying union. Oftentimes, in our busy lives, we don’t pay enough attention to how we relate to those we love the most and communication is lost- or worse, it becomes hurtful.
Here are some question and answers to keep in mind if you are looking to Recharge your Relationship…
1) Does your partner often seem unreasonable? Think Empathy: try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to see the world through his or her eyes. Acknowledging how your partner is feeling doesn’t mean you have to agree with it!
2) Have you been overly critical with your partner lately? Stop and Speak Consciously: Find something positive to say to the other person, even in the heat of battle! You will convey an attitude of respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person.
3) Are you feeling angry or resentful with your partner? Express Feelings Assertively: Use “I feel” statements (such as “I feel upset”) rather than “you” statements (such as “you’re making me furious”). This will allow YOUR feelings to be heard and reduce your partner’s need to react defensively or aggressively.
If you can relate to any of the above questions, try out some of these small changes in your way of thinking and communication style. It just may help you Restore some Relationship Bliss!
Beating the Holiday Blues…
Holidays can be a time of intense feelings. They are often marked by periods of great excitement, moderated with high and low periods of activity. Sometimes it is expecting too much from ourselves (and others) that leave us with an overwhelmed, or anxious feeling. Amidst this mix of emotion, we can be struck by the blahs, and bah humbugs, or a general lack of get-up-and-go. This is called the holiday blues.
It is easy to resort to drinking too much alcohol, using pain or sleeping pills when not really needed, or overindulging in sweets and mindless eating to numb the uncomfortable feelings. These temporary “quick fixes” often lead to more troubles down the road. Remember, you have other choices that you can make for yourself. I have listed a few reminders for you below…
1) Keep a realistic attitude by staying in the present. Don’t spend too much time dwelling on those past experiences and traditions that keep whispering, “This would be better if only…”
2) Avoid major life changes during the holidays. It is probably not a good time to move, change jobs, or begin/end intimate relationships if not absolutely necessary. Why create more stress in your life at such a vulnerable time of year? Ask yourself, “Is there a better time for me to make this change?”
3) Count your blessings. Writing a daily gratitude log is a great way to keep yourself focused on the positive (blessings) in your life. Begin or end your day by listing 5 reasons/people/things to be grateful for today. Keep this list handy and take a peek at it whenever the blues begin to fall upon you.
4) Keep your sense of humor. A good laugh, even at the silliest things, is a great way relieve tension, anxiety and help you forget what you were feeling so sad about. There are many light-hearted holiday movies out there during the season. Check a few out!!
When you’re eating too much and it’s still not enough…
You know how it starts. Disappointments or excitement, worry or contentment, frustration or encouragement: emotions drive you to eat. You begin to stuff yourself with anything you can get your hands on- sweets, high-calorie and high-fat foods. You know better, of course, but now you’re feeling out-of-control, or if you are like some food addicts, you may find a way to purge your system.
If food is your obsession and taking top priority in your life, you may be suffering from a complex illness that requires professional help. Below are some small goals for breaking the cycle of food addiction…
1) Eat your meals more consciously by sitting down with no other distractions such as television or computer technologies to distract you from tasting your food.
2) Reward yourself with a task or activity that you enjoy AFTER you have eaten a healthy meal.
3) Write a list of alternate activities to do instead of bingeing/purging in advance. Then commit to trying 2 items on the list BEFORE giving into the urge.
When Life Throws a Curve Ball…
At one time or another, we can all expect to experience the unexpected. Life, with its many twists and turns, will eventually bring unforeseen loss, sorrow and bewilderment. Although, in our humanness, we would like to feel a sense of control over our destinies, the reality is that we are limited beings. Yes, we have the capacity to make choices and avoid potential consequences; but inevitably, to be alive means experiencing the unpredictablility of life from time to time.
Here are some suggestions on how to be prepared for the unexpected “curve balls” that life may throw your way…
1) Practice your Faith. Studies show that people who engage in a spiritual practice/prayer life on a regular basis are much better equipped to cope when tragedy and difficult times strike.
2) Nurture Valued Relationships. Life can get busy and friends often take a back seat to our other priorities. But in times of unexpected crisis, being surrounded by friends and family is crucial in overcoming grief and loss. Make the time to connect with the special people in your life.
3) Learn to Ask for Help. Sooner of later we all need a helping hand in life. It is a sign of strength to reach out to others when we can’t go it alone. So put your pride aside, and let others be there for you too.
Spring Cleaning for Your Thoughts
With the approach of springtime, our minds often turn to the tasks of cleaning house. Rejuvenating what has been worn away by winter and refreshing our homes for the seasons ahead.
Together with the tradition of sprucing up your home, springtime can also serve as a time to de-clutter your mind.
Here are three easy tips to help you get started:
1. Focus on your breath! How simple is that? Just bring your attention to your breathing. Bring your attention to your breathing as it comes into your body and then goes out. Let all other thoughts float by. Feel its calming effect.
2. Keep a To Do list. Give up the struggle of having to keep it all in your head. Write it down! That’s what pen and paper is for. Your overloaded mind will thank you.
3. Use your body, not your mind. Find at least 15 minutes a day to experience your body in motion. Take a walk around the block – feeling your foot against the pavement – or pay attention to your leg muscles bending and stretching, notice your arms swinging at your side.
And take the time to give yourself some much needed attention by relieving your mind from the pressures of the day.
Welcome To The Insight4Change Blog!
Insight4change is a private practice that specializes in helping adults (ages 18 and over) find a healthy way to cope with the challenges and transitions that life will inevitably bring. Through individual and couples therapy, you can gain an increased awareness into the obstacles that may prevent you from reaching your goals. The benefits of therapy are great! With increased knowledge and insight into oneself, you have the power to create lasting change.
I would like to personally welcome you to the Insight4Change blog, where I will offer tips and suggestions that you can implement into your daily routine. Use of these simple ideas may help you on the road to self-exploration and discovery! My hope for you is that you will find an opportunity to create more balance and freedom in your own life by trying a new approach to some common struggles. I believe a quote by George Bernard Shaw sums it up best, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
So welcome to the Insight4Change blog and enjoy your stay!
